Daddy's Affection

RemembeRED prompt this week:

Choose a time when either the abundance or lack of affection (either by you or someone else) stands out, and show us. Bring us to that time. Help us feel what you felt.

Daddy could be a little strict, especially with the boys. But he had a way of smoothing it over. Bear hugging. Whisker rubbing. Hand holding.  Cheek kissing.  Affection.

I can’t remember anyone he wasn’t affectionate with. My brothers knew to give him a hug and kiss before bed. And mom, always greeted with warm touches and sweet kisses.  

This affection always calmed my fears, eased my hurts and took away the tears. It was never truer on that one day when everything changed for a little girl….

It was mid February and the chill in the air made me walk a little faster up the steep hill, once the bus spilled me into the driveway. Entering into the warmth of home I was taken back. Mom would always be waiting there, but today stood my sister who lived across the street. My look of question was answered with a guarded answer, “they would be home soon…appointment…they will explain”. The chill in the air from outside seemed to have drifted in with me.

It wasn’t long before mom…and dad came in. What was Daddy doing home? 

Something was different, a space between them I had never seen. Until that day. Somehow hidden, from a little girl’s view.  Mom’s face seemed twisted, her mind distant.

It was Daddy who took me by the hand. Brought me with him into that corner reclining chair. He sank in and brought me with him. The arms wrapped around, and his cheek touched mine. Fingers ran through his little girl’s hair. And with a shaky voice he told me what had happened today.

A divorce. An end.

And then he sobbed and I sobbed with him. He held me closer and kissed my forehead. Assured me of his love and how I would see him lots.

I couldn’t tell you what happened next. Or even my words with mom. I remember that moment, his tears, mixed with mine and the affection. It helped with the pieces of the puzzle trying to fit into the wrong spaces. The shattered reflection I had always seen.

Daddy had a way of smoothing it over. Bear hugging. Whisker rubbing. Hand holding.  Cheek kissing.  Affection.