Saturday, July 9, 2011

Who Am I?

I read the prompt this morning on Dare to Share and have been thinking of it ever since. I do have plenty of posts that show pieces of me, but I decided to write a new one....and try to explain who I am.

I am multi-layered, formed from sins and accomplishments. With poor choices I learned, grew and gained in knowledge, faith and understanding. In success, I grew in confidence, knowledge, focus and faith as well.

I am mostly made up of my faith. More than anything else, this is what pushes me, directs me, and convicts me.

I have always been blessed. Whether experiencing divorce as a child, exploration of drugs and alcohol as a youth, teenage motherhood, wife of an addict, single mother, or now wife to a Godly man, teacher and grandmother...through it all, I was blessed. Through pain and joy I smiled, always ready to see the silver lining.

I am constantly changing, like the winds that pound against rock, changing the scenery...I am changing, eroding and becoming new all the time.

I dream. I wonder. I love. I create.

I want acceptance, peace, praise.

I run from conflict and confrontation...but not before my voice is heard!

I have secrets I wish I never began or gave birth to.

I walk in a cloud of compassion. I am sometimes misunderstood.

I am often quiet. I desire to grow, become better.

If I were to rewrite this time and time would change. Some things remain constant. Some things intensify, and others I let go.

This is me, today.


Brought this post back out to share on Let's Bee Friends to introduce myself.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Ocean Princess and Her Sentry

This is a prompt from The Red Dress Club. For this week, take what you know out of your comfort zone. Try a new genre, a new time period, a geography you’ve only dreamed of, fantasy or historical instead of contemporary fiction, try the male POV if you usually write women. Or
vice versa. Switch it up. See where it takes you.       

Author's Note: This was done quick...I accepted a challenge from a fellow blogger to just give it a try. I dedicate this to my daughter and her friend, who seem to have a fascination. So, with little knowledge or know how, here is my silly attempt at Fantasy. Have at it with the concrit. I am ready!

Caitlyn stared at the table in the cafeteria surrounded by boys. Her eyes settled on her, the new girl. What was it? Since she had walked through the door, all their heads turned, and she drew them in like fish to the best bait. And every day the scene in the cafeteria was the same, they swam to her, and seemed to be bound by a spell in her presence.

Each day Caitlyn got closer to her, trying to find what was different about her beauty. The hair was long, and thick, with just enough wave. Her eyes seemed to sparkle with a marble like pattern of multi-colors. Her smile revealed perfect teeth, and the laughter that fell through those lips was like a song.

Caitlyn wasn't figuring anything out from this distance, she would need to get closer. They were in the same class next period, she would check the current and maybe attempt to break through into a conversation. No other girl had seemed to attempt this as of yet.

Caitlyn settled into a seat beside her, having to practically push one of the guys out of the way to get there. Luckily he felt clumsy enough not to argue in front of her and relented.

"Hi...I am Caitlyn."

Her sparkling eyes took me in, it was if she was swimming in my head and measuring me in this moment. A bit of distrust and fear seemed to be hidden just beneath the surface.

"Pallea," she responded simply and put her hand out into mine.

Caitlyn's eyed the first imperfection...her skin. Dry...was that chapped? It almost looked like scales. She slipped it back quickly covering her hands nervously and hid them back below her waist.

"So, what brings you to Sandy Isle?"

"The ocean, " Pallea answers and that haunting musical giggle bubbles out.

Caitlyn turned to focus on the teacher, she felt like she wasn't going to get anywhere least not here in class.

That afternoon Caitlyn looks for Pallea in the parking lot, unsure how she got to and from school. But when she saw the school of boys drenched in her aura... she knew she was headed her way.

Caitlyn sat in her car questioning her own motives. Why was this girl so intriguing to her? Caitlyn has always been fine as a loner…but now she just could not shake the curiosity this girl seemed to have charged her with. Her plan was to follow her.

Pallea finally removed herself from the boys and dipped herself into a little blue Bug. A surfboard was secured to the top and as Caitlyn followed behind she knew they were headed toward the ocean.

Caitlyn watched in awe of her skills on that board from a distance. She saw her face glisten in the sun, and as she was tossed off the board and into the sea, she seemed unaffected, swimming like a dolphin, soaring with the waves. At times Caitlyn thought she rose above the waves. She was one with the ocean.

Over and over she would ride, swim, and dive. Never tiring.  Always smiling. Alone.

Caitlyn still unsure of her own captivity to these observations sat still, focused, and enthralled. For a moment, she understood the boys. Wondering if that touch this afternoon had released some spell.    

Caitlyn knew the sun was beginning to settle into its evening position.  But both remained in their roles, the ocean princess and her sentry.

As the moon rose into the dark sky, Pallea began to swim towards shore. Now the only ones on the beach, Caitlyn found a spot more hidden from view behind a beam on the pier.

Caitlyn’s gasp almost audible escaped from her lips as she watched Pallea’s feet hit the sand. Her skin….the dry chapped skin…now glistened like jewels in the streams of light from the full moon. And as she walked toward the rocks, a sound unearthly was resonating from deep within Pallea. It was as if she was calling. To whom? To what?

Pallea still sparkling, still singing…climbed up on the rock. Her eyes out to the sea. But Caitlyn’s eyes were locked. Her mouth hung open. A chill rose up from the sand, as an ocean breeze caught up to her.

Pallea turned, and saw her. And her eyes cast down to herself. Realizing, Caitlyn knew. She has seen her tail.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Forgive Grandma...She Must Indulge

I love being a mom...and I always have. I cherished my moments with my children, and it was hard to watch it go by so fast. But now comes part two...and really just as special. Love multiplied, new and beautiful...being a Grandma. Only problem, so far, they live too far away. So when I can experience moments such as these...I have to swim around in it, cover myself in it, and pour it over me, and over again. So, I am pulling you all along in this dive through my time with the grands.

Part of the fun is watching my hubby with the kids. We were married when the kids were teenagers, so I never raised any with him. Watching him does make me really wish we had the chance to raise a child together...but I shall revel in every moment such as these with the grands.

This trip was a little different. After flying out to Nebraska, hubby and I crawled into the bottom bunk and fell asleep to the little sounds of two boys sleeping above. Only to have the joy of waking up and seeing the joy spread across their face when they spotted Grandma emerge from the bottom bunk to greet them in the morning. It does me in every time!
Later that morning, we boarded the mini van for our trip across Nebraska and up into South Dakota. A little different from the trips I remember when my kids were little....two screens, dvds and the glorious pull-ups for potty training!!

First stop Chimney Rock! (Chimmy Wock if you ask DW)

Waking up to this every morning...priceless!

Seeing Mt. Rushmore for the first time was amazing. Experiencing it with my grandchildren, even better! Walking around there, thinking about history, listening to the ceremony with my military son beside me, it is not an emotion I can explain. I would have to say, one of my most patriotic moments, besides maybe my son's graduations from their bootcamps.

See these smiles....pure happiness and nothing but!

There is something about the combination of trains and little boys! They get all serious, quiet and beneath all that...SO EXCITED!
Seeing my son as husband and much he loves it, how much he loves them, and how much they love him and how hard he works to do it well.  Makes me think....I did all right.

Ah yes...see that bump? Our newest little grandchild will be here soon. Our first grandaughter. Yes, the buying of pink has begun, and I doubt it will end!
Oh, and the scenery....Badlands, South Dakota. AMAZING!

And as always the time flies by and soon I have to get back on that airplane and leave all this sweet goodness. So that last morning I soak up all the stories, puzzles and pretend meals I can. I hug, cuddle, and kiss more than they want. And I hold back the tears and whisper goodbyes...until I can return. And until then, I dive and swim in these memories, and cover my heart in them.

Thanks for indulging me.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Verdict

So...I am wondering, am I just a little too compassionate..soft, or stupid?
When Osama was killed and today when Casey was found not guilty....I could only think of the pain and lives lost in the tragedies. I can't make jokes and I can't rant and holler that justice didn't prevail. I am sad. Tragedy apparently effects me so different than many others.

Quite frankly I am blown away by the posts on facebook and twitter...especially the jokes. I am shocked by those hoping Casey is killed.

I also can't help but wonder what the media does to us. I am listening or actually watching these comments from the sidelines.  We are part of that media...and we are sounding evil to me. We are like sharks in a feeding frenzy and one comment seems to be louder and worse than the next. We are stirring the pot of darkness as our cries for the little girl are lost in the blare of  the shouts.

I am feeling pretty alone on this. So, I decided to do an off the cuff blog about it. Not something I usually do. I am imagining the comments I might get....but I am really struggling with our reaction to this.

I am imagining how difficult it is for the grandmother. Grandfather. Other family members. I am imagining her mother wanted to hang on to the hope that just maybe she didn't do it....that even a jury found her not guilty. I am thinking of the jury members. It could be possible that they believe she was guilty, but that there was reasonable heavy that must play on their minds. To have to go with our judicial system, and possibly believing that they are allowing a murderer to get away.
I am even wondering what is going through Casey's mind.

But mostly I am wondering about Caylee. I am sick and sad over what may have happened to that little girl. I wish we did not have such evil in this world. So....I think that is what bothers me. I don't want more evil on top of evil. I would prefer our silent sadness for a tragedy that was committed against a little girl. Our words of hatred will not bring her back or give her justice. The words of evil feed a perverse world.

For me, I will respect those who are hurting today, and a little girl's life that was taken. I would prefer to shed a little compassion upon the evil and darkness. Not quite a silence in the sadness....but I will whisper some prayers of hope for the hurting today.